Going the distance for a long distance relationship

Are they really worth it? This is a genuine question I’m asking you because I’ve managed to find myself in a bit of a…pickle. Here it goes:

I met this guy a few years ago and we became quite close friends, however the whole relationship was basically via text. I’m in the UK and he’s in Germany. After over a year things started to kinda escalate, emotions started to heighten and a certain 4 letter word was exchanged more than once. We talked every day, he was the first person I spoke to in the morning and the last person in the evening (and sometimes early morning). However, because he’s a few years older than me, he started to make things too serious too fast. It scared me to think that he might be the only one I ever had a “proper” relationship with and I was feeling trapped. I cooled things off, saying we shouldn’t speak anymore, but neither one of us could last a few days at a time without talking.

It got to the point where I found it pointless to be talking to him because we weren’t having proper conversations and he even forgot my birthday, which is stupid I know, but it hurt. Anyway for a year now we have been talking once a month or so, but I can’t help thinking of him and what our lives could be like. I’m always so tempted to ask if he wants to get back together, but then I get jealous thinking that other couples get to do meaningless stuff like lying on the couch together or simply just sitting on a bed chatting, instead of just messaging each other.

What should I do? Is anyone in a long distance relationship that is working? Does anybody have any advice for me because I’m really stuck in the mud with my head saying one thing and my heart saying something else.

To be the inspiration or to be the inspired?

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Morton’s Fork.”

If I could only either write my blog (and not read others) or read other blogs (and not write my own)

I’m not 100% sure what I’d pick straight away. It’s quite a tough one for me because I don’t really think that my blog is an “inspirational work of art” as I just rant on about my thoughts and feelings. I seek advice and try, when I can, to help others. It’s really my online diary, to be honest. So my answer would be read others because the answer is always out there, you just got to ask the right questions. I think I could learn a lot by just reading other people’s blogs on a certain topic that is on my mind that day. I think I need more help than I could give out.

However, I would really miss blogging because I’m finally get my thoughts out there and there is someone who listens, which always makes me feel better. It doesn’t make me feel so alone and that my voice does actually matter. I haven’t told anyone about my blogging because I’m afraid of them laughing and reading it. My posts contain thoughts that I have never let out before, which might be consequential if the wrong person reads it.

I guess it’s a bit silly, but I quite like having my own little secret safe haven where I can truly be me without worrying or second guessing myself.

I know I’ve kinda gone off course, but when my mind goes off on a thread, it’s quite hard to reel it back in.

Anyway, what my point is is that I would rather read other people’s blogs as I think that I could find solace in other people’s experiences and their voice that they are sharing to the world.

Starting Afresh

Okay, so my birthday is coming up soon and I’ve realised that there are so many things that I haven’t achieved that I wanted. Looking back, I haven’t done much this year to be truly proud of. This year has kinda deteriorated for me and I want to change that. I need to take my life back into my own hands. I’m sick of setting myself goals and not achieving them. So far I’ve been all bark and no bite, but not anymore. A new fire has been released within me. I have made a new change within myself and I don’t care if people notice it or not because I only care about how I feel about myself.

I can’t keep letting life pull me down because I’m young and I sure as hell deserve something good to happen in my life for once. Let’s just say that death and disappointment have been frequent visitors in my life and they have taken their toll. I want out of this rut and I want out now! I need to stop sitting around feeling sorry for myself and actually start achieving what I want. I need to ace my exams and I need to get into my top university because that’s when my life is truly going to begin. I need this more than ever because it’s what defines me. I feel like I have nothing, nothing that makes my life important enough.

Am I the only one feeling this way? I hope not.

I know what I want so badly that I can almost taste it and it makes my heart beat stronger when I think about it. It’s my turn to be happy and thankful for everything that has been given to me.