Life’s in a bit of a turmoil at the moment, hence for the reason of my lack of blogging. I’m finding it hard to stand on the ground. Have you ever wondered where you truly belong? That’s all that’s going through my mind at the moment. I want to exceed in everything I do, but every time that I sit down, I summon up the determination to do it. It’s like my mind has already given up before I’ve started. I am so scared of what will happen in the future because the older I get, the more I realise that there isn’t anything perfect out there. My life is a mess and I don’t know how to fix it. The is probably where I should turn to God, but it’s hard because I will always defend him when he is questioned, but I feel like I go unnoticed by him. I have been going to church since I was 2, I tried to do everything right, but it’s never been enough. I pray and pray, but it doesn’t seem to work anymore. That great love that you’re meant to feel isn’t there anymore. I feel alone more than ever and it’s taking its toll on me. I can’t talk to anyone, so that’s why I’m voicing my thoughts here. I feel insignificant in a world full of significance.
I’ve been listening to Hozier’s song ‘Take Me To Church’ a lot recently, in fact I’m listening to it now and I think it describes what I’m feeling at the moment quite well.
Take me to church
I’ll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies
I’ll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife
Offer me that deathless death
Good God, let me give you my life
I want to give God my life, I really do, but how can I when so much has been taken from me and I’m in such misery? When can I have my happy life back when I don’t worry about the smallest details and actually enjoy my day to day life? I need help, but I don’t know where to go anymore. Any suggestions?